The United States Military spends billions of dollars each year, much of that on hardware: tanks, rifles, bullets, planes, boats, jeeps, humvees, missiles ... the list goes on and on.

The U.S., in fact, spends more money on military items than any other country in the world. Recent estimates show we fork over $276.7 billion annually (I base this figure on something I once read on the Internet while trying to find a recipe for home-made Silly Putty) to keep our armed services up and running.

Armenia, by contrast, spends a grand total of only $135 million. Of course, I could beat up Armenia single-handedly, armed only with a slingshot and a pocketful of smooth stones.

Folks expect more than that from the U.S.

Anyway, of the country's $276.7 billion military tab, approximately $1.7 billion (I base this figure on either something I may have seen on an old episode of "MacGyver," or on an extremely vivid imagination - you decide) is spent on small caliber ammunition.

Now, I know government types might consider $1.7 billion for ammo to be a heckuva good deal, but to those of us struggling to make the car payment every month, $1.7 billion seems like real money.

Don't get me wrong; I'm all for a strong U.S. military. You never know when Armenia might decide to invade. But as a taxpayer, I certainly wouldn't complain if the Pentagon brass found a few ways to save a buck now and then. Ammunition is as good a place to start as any.

To that end, I think I may have stumbled on a brilliant, money-saving alternative to bullets: cherry pits.

That's right, cherry pits.

They're cheap, easy to obtain, biodegradable and - equipped with the proper delivery system - the human mouth - they can be quite deadly.

As evidence, I present Brian "Young Gun" Krause, the 25-year-old Dimondale resident who not long ago won the 31st annual International Cherry Pit Spitting Championship in Eau Claire, Michigan.

Krause sent a tart cherry pit flying 88-feet, 2-inches at the Tree-Mendus Fruit Farm to take top honors.

Factoring in the Earth's gravitational pull, wind shear in effect the day of the competition, and the "D" I received in ninth grade algebra class, I've calculated that cherry pit must have been traveling at about 600 feet per second (OK, now I'm just making stuff up) or about the same speed as a bullet fired from a .38 Special.

Anyone hit by a cherry pit moving at that speed would experience instant death, or at the very least, a sharp stinging sensation similar to the bite of a black fly. Either way, it would be darned uncomfortable for the recipient.

Naturally, U.S. troops would have to be trained in cherry pit "delivery" techniques - i.e. "spitting."

Recruits from places like Arkansas and Georgia would have a distinct advantage here, as would any major league baseball players who found themselves serving their country during wartime. But there's no reason northerners and non-baseball-playing soldiers couldn't learn to spit with the best of them.

Likewise, women wouldn't necessarily be excluded from combat missions. Just ask Ann St. Armand of St. Joseph, who won the women's cherry pit spitting title for the third year in a row with a 46-foot, 1-inch spit.

While perhaps not as lethal as Krause's expectoration, Ms. St. Armand's pits could be every bit as dangerous in close quarters combat. Perfect for "clearing out" enemy bunkers!

And the savings to taxpayers! Oy! Consider this: a 1,000-round box of ammo for the kind of rifle used by NATO troops costs about $78.95.

A 1-pound box of cherry pits, meanwhile, goes for $1.25. I estimate, based again on my "D" in algebra, that each box contains 180 pits. Extrapolating outward, that means the Pentagon could purchase 11,368 cherry pits for about the same price as a box of bullets.

Whatta deal!

Add to that the savings the military would glean by not having to buy rifles and you're talking some serious bucks here, folks.

Finally, the clincher (and I'm not making this up): cherry pits contain Cyanogenic glycoside, a very, very toxic chemical. In short, if an enemy takes a cherry pit to the chest, he is going DOWN, baby!

I'm planning to send my complete proposal to the Pentagon brass later this week. If they're receptive, I have a lot of other money-saving ideas they may want to implement, including my rapid-fire rubber-band gun and garlic-scented mouthwash (intended for hand-to-hand combat situations).

I'll let you know how it works out.

To contact me with your questions, comments, or military spending strategies, e-mail mtaylor@midmich.net or write via snail mail to: Mike Taylor, c/o Valley Media, Inc., PO Box 9, Jenison, MI 49429. Want more? Archived "Reality Check" columns as well as photos, links and previously unpublished "mini-columns" may be found online at http://mtrealitycheck.typepad.com.